then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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