Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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