he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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