Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I believe in your delicious
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
