Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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