this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
