That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
