if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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