So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think your dad took our porno
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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