i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
