Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
