i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
