I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
