what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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