We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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