I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
