from now on my penis is your penis
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
