new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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