Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
