he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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