if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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