i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
