thus making me awesome and them whores
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
