Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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You made out with two different species that night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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