I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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