i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
