just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
