i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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