Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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