I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
