can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
