hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize