so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
