My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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