Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
