thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
