Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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