Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the liver wants what the liver wants
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
