I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
