Already got asked if we're dating
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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