So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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