So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
