Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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