I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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