Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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