I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
