i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
