you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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