she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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