Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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