its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
