wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize