so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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