when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
