oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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