Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
