And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
