Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
