what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
