I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
