I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Randomize
