It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
