he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
