one might say we're banned from that church
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
