my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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