Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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