Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize