READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
