Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
