Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
