Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
