I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
