My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
