Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
