lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
