OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
