I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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