I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
