Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
