So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
